At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a
public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a
calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He
is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and
refer to themselves as
"unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every
triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given
us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a
sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians
love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said,
adding: "Under the
circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw
the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before
seen unless we become exponents of a
Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue
to multiply, their days are numbered
as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
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QuoteOriginally posted by yepyepyep4711
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