Simple guy says that Internet sucks...

[Herodes]

Credits go to "ouzo" aka (Nektarios Nikolaos)

His letter follows ...

So this is it folks? Two thousand and some years of progress and the pinnacle of mankind?s evolution is some jerk off website that has photos of Paris Hilton after she got beat from her low life boyfriend? Listen, I?m no intellectual advocate by any stretch of the imagination, in fact I can probably smear my feces on the wall with the best of them, but what is stunning, absolutely stunning, is the amount of garbage there is floating around on the Internet today.

On any given day you?re bombarded with ads for penis enlargement, hit with spy ware, and receive messages from some idiot in Africa claiming to be a prince that wants to share his fortune with you. My response is always the same to this bombardment of substandard waste. I run Ad Aware when I?m done surfing the net, I tell the guy from Liberia his check is on the way a long with the F.B.I, and I ask the good people at the penis company how much they want.

These days I can?t even go to check my mail without being hit with some flavor of the month advertisement from Yahoo! Mail. I don?t care that you expanded my storage. I really don?t. All this means is I?ll be storing MP3s in my account if I start to run out of space on my computer. Once I finally log into Yahoo! Mail they have a banner ad on top about some crap that no one cares about and one ad on the side just to put you through a taste of what Chinese water torture must be like. Today I saw an advertisement from a company telling me to click on the banner to remove advertisements on my computer. And then on the side there?s an ad that says, ?If you die?love continues.? Well thanks for the news flash asshole. I?m sure I?ll appreciate that when I?m fucking dead.

The first site I hit when I?m done with this cavalcade of gallstone inducing madness that is Yahoo! is hit the news sites. That?s all I really care about on the Internet. I get my news and then I get off line. Occasionally I?ll stop at Maddox?s site, Sleeperkids World, and College Humor, but that?s it. Out of those news sites I go to the Onion first. Because unlike the half million ?satire news? sites that have popped up like rectal warts in the past year or two, the Onion is consistently funny. From there I look at the top headlines and pick and choose which ones make it onto the front page of thebrandonshow.com. Not as exciting as say putting a stick of dynamite up my ass and trying to put out the fuse before it blows but it?s part of my duties of running this website.

Lately I?ve had a chance to really sit and explore the Internet because of the amount of downtime I?ve had this summer. Actually, if you replace downtime with I was too lazy to get off my ass and find a job this summer you?ll have a better understanding of my summer vacation this far. Almost every website out there looks exactly the same to me. As I mentioned in my Dear Computer Nerds letter, almost all of the sites that I had a chance to check out were either a cheap knock off of a popular site (Maddox, Drudge Report), or the site just amounted to a steaming pile of shit where the webmaster took their PHP mastery or some such horse shit, gave it a sleek "look at me I'm a nerd" design, and piled on everything they thought they could that would get people to go to their site.

As you might imagine this is extremely pathetic. I don?t know if this phenomenon is feeding off the Webmaster?s need to get over the small penis, the lack of social life, or if they managed to rub their two brain cells together long enough to figure out they can pile on random crap and make some money by attracting other like minded idiots to their site. I wouldn?t think it?s the case of the latter because the web masters, almost all male by the way, are probably far busier rubbing something other than their brain cells. And most likely they?re doing this to the Lindsay Lohan pictures that are everywhere. I?ve seen her breasts guys, they?re nice, but get over it. The poor girl is going to be known more for her rack than anything else because of these horny, potentially psycho obsessive nerds.

And yes. I realize I too put a link to a gallery showing off those beautiful cans of hers. Ones that I?m sure Andy Warhol would stop and admire. My reasons were entirely different than theirs however. I just wanted a link so I can go back to them later. Purely for research purposes you understand?.any way?.as if these nerds and their crappy websites weren?t bad enough, you have these blogs popping up everywhere. Long time readers of this site will know what I think of blogs. I generally loathe the ones out there but encourage people to start them. I loathe them because most of the time it?s some unqualified, blithering idiot yapping endlessly about what they think about George Bush or on such intellectual matters such as whether to scratch their ass with the left or right hand. Here is my advice to the logs out there. I refuse to acknowledge them as blogs past this point because they?re more reminiscent of something I?d find floating in the toilet more than anything else. Shut up. I would say kill yourself but some of these people seem dumb enough to actually follow that sound advice.

The truth is that not all opinions are created equally. You may have the right to run your mouth in this country, but that doesn?t mean you should if you don?t know what the fuck you?re talking about. I don?t respect everyone?s opinion. Why should I? Unless you know something about what you?re talking about you shouldn?t say a word. For instance the recent surge of Amish voters scares the crap out of me. These people don?t know anything past the bible and they are now out there stumping for George Bush because they agree with him on banning gay marriage and abortion. Do you mean to tell me that these people have the right to tell me how to think and act when they?re getting their information from a two thousand year old sleeping pill and little else?

You would think I covered everything between logs and crap nerd sites, but there is something worse than these two sites out there. There are sites on the web that are meant to just shock the shit out of you. You might know the ones I?m talking about, and if you don?t you might want to take my word for it that you don?t want to see them. The people that run these sites deserve to be dragged into the street and beaten with a molten hot railroad spike. Why would anyone in their right mind take a video of a guy being beheaded and put it out there on the web? If it?s fake, and you like getting off to that stuff, and some people do, fine, just don?t do that garbage around me. But if you take a REAL beheading, or any kind of REAL death and try to make a profit off it you deserve the aforementioned beating. Or better yet, I should have the right to kill you, videotape your death, and put it on the web for profit. That sounds like a fair deal to me. And don?t give me this freedom of expression bullshit. Fuck you if you think watching someone die is freedom of expression. I have the right to express myself too, and maybe I?ll be lucky and won?t be the only one who wants to take these webmasters, put them in a port-o-potty, and drop them into a volcano.

I just find the Internet very boring. If it wasn?t for AOL Instant Messenger and Super heroine pornography I probably wouldn?t be on the Internet half as much as I am. Company websites suck, there is useless propaganda everywhere from those disgusting wads at The Truth who solve compelling life mysterious for us such as ?cigarettes cause cancer?, and very little of the purported billion pages out there that are entertaining. It just seems to me like we?ve been on a downward spiral in terms of what we expect for entertainment. Fuck the Internet. Come to our site?what?you didn?t think I?d find a way to plug us in here? ?go to your usual sites, stay informed so you don?t turn into a blithering logger, keep-downloading music, and for the love of everything holy run ad aware when you?re done. The Internet sucks.

[h!mz316]

hrmm very long... but pretty damn good ;)

[Herodes]

Originally posted by h!mz316
hrmm very long... but pretty damn good ;)

My thoughts exactly .. :)

[Troubadour]

made a point there.
no need to argu about that one.

[NotRabidWombat]

What an uninformed idiot. Not only is he unable to maintain a consistent thought pattern, but he is also incompatible of learning how to effectively use a great tool.

Step 1:
Remove head from ass.
Step 2:
Go to http://www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/. Download a decent browser and never use Internet Explorer again. If you are unable to do this (which I wouldn't doubt) get SpyBot Search and Destroy.
Step 3:
Set google as your homepage (if you can't find what you need through google, get off the internet)
Step 4:
If you don't like the material, don't go to the website. It's that simple.
Step 5:
Stop reading Maddox. His writing style has obviously rubbed off on you. However, you lack both his wit and his intelligence.
Good luck!

I love how he discredits the usefulness of the internet through a rant.... on the internet.

-NotRabidWombat

P.S. - My favorite quote is: "Unless you know something about what you're talking about you shouldn't say a word." Hypocrisy is great!

[Herodes]

NotRambitWombat, I totaly agree with you in many points ... I was thinking like that when I was reading it for the first time. But on the second one I realised that is a simple guys that heard "Internet has it" from some1 ... This truly amazing tool has to be more tender and more full in content. It just really needs to .. Thanks for providing the info on initial steps and yes I had been like Firefox-Google for like 3 years now and I cant think of another way to " go for internet" ...
Anyhow as the title of the thread says ... it is from a simple guy, the kind that doesnt really wanna know about what is the best browser to use and how to get where he wants to get .... :)
After all for the majority of world population computer is not a tool ... it is some sort of machine ...

PS: Btw this "letter" was ripped from a forum ...  just like ours . :)